EXPLORING ONE'S SELF-IDENTITY
The prior posting on “Building Self-Confidence”
brought requests from readers of the Blog for an article
on self-identity. The Oxford Dictionaries definition of self-identity is:
“The recognition of
one’s potential and qualities as an individual, especially in relation to
social context”. 1
Many of us have questioned our self-identity at
some stage in our lives whether consciously or subconsciously. This questioning
can arise at times of social change or of perceived loss, such as that of moving
abroad or a career break/job loss. For some, a change such as moving abroad is relatively
easy to accept and becomes part of the new or at least a part of the new self-identity.
For others such as dual career families or partners, a similar change may be more difficult to accept and may initially require
a period of questioning, adaption and association to the new surroundings and
situation.
The notion of self-identity is complex and affects
everyone differently. As adults, we all have a different story to tell which
comprises a name, a childhood, life experiences, social environment(s) and
interests/affinities. Our social environment and its influence have a large
impact on how we see ourselves and how others see us.
Retrospectively
reflecting on my experience as an Accompanying Partner/Expat, I smile
internally and still laugh loudly when I think of how I introduced myself at social events to the
familiar question “Who are you/What do you do?
My reply to this question would often be in French
while adding a touch of Anglo-Saxon humor and accent: “Before I was a Headhunter, now I am the Wife
of X”. This short self-introduction always raised a smile from my new
acquaintances and they went away thinking that behind the label “Wife of X”, there
exists a person with an identity and a story to tell.
Today, I am happy to present myself as “Brid- with
a multitude of qualities and interests, a Headhunter who has taken a career
break, a blog owner, the “Wife of X”, a mother and someone who enjoys discovering
new cultures and interests”.
For as long as I can remember, work has played
a large role in my self-identity as is the case for many people in Western
societies. When introducing myself to new people, I associated work as the forerunner
of my self-identity. When I had the time as an Accompanying Partner to sit back
and consider my self-identity, I discovered to what extent I had placed a large
importance on work in my life and in my identity, despite having other roles,
interests and passions!
I used this valuable time as an Accompanying
Partner to reevaluate my self-identity and to put in place some changes in my
mode of functioning. This began with a balance between professional and
personal activities. I realized that I could still give a maximum to work while
enjoying quality time with those dear to me, as well as spending more time
on my interests and passions.
“Your identity should
not be fully defined by what you do, by being a manager, a wife, a mother of
children or a computer programmer” 2
Finding a balance in one’s self-identity
is not always evident as our lives are complex: sometimes we have many parts to
play and little time left for self-reflection. Finding the right balance is especially
more difficult when work has been/or is still the main driver in one’s self-identity.
When you make the choice to follow your partner, this is a tremendous
opportunity to
reflect on who you are, your interests, motivations and drivers. It is also the
opportunity to observe, to get involved in activities/groups and to build on learning/gaining
new experiences and skills for the present and for the future.
If one uses this period as an Accompanying
Partner to do a check list on “oneself”, on ones’ assets and ones’ ambitions,
this reflection may unveil hidden talents and interests. This could lead to new
opportunities for work or for personal self-fulfillment.
From another perspective, reflecting on the
importance we place on certain aspects of our self-identity is also a useful
exercise for the transition to retirement (which is definitive!). When we
retire, a career/job title will be part of our past self-identity/life
experience. If we develop interests and passions now for the years to come, the
transition to retirement can be easier, smoother and better prepared.
"There is a whole new kind of life ahead, full of
experiences just waiting to happen. Some call it "retirement." I call
it bliss." 3
1https://en.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/us/self-identity
2 Sunday Adelaja